關於迦雅
People
與大師對談
Pict: 迦雅（Jaya）＊ 德國籍，早年曾活躍於新浪潮電影運動。為了追尋宗教和靈性領會，研究西藏佛教、加上對大自然的熱忱，讓他有機會在德國最大的旅遊公司擔任喜瑪拉亞及西藏地區的導遊。＊ 將藝術與大自然導入靈性成長團體，也為男性設計課程，對性別關係有獨到的認識。
愛如光明、懼如黑暗，當我們有足夠的愛時，恐懼就會自然變少。
撰文／賴佩霞．翻譯／張幼丁
整理／編輯部．攝影／邱如仁．視覺／KoKo
男人和女人的快樂
走進約訪的安德昇藝廊，透過玻璃門看見一臉稚氣的迦雅，正和攝影師話家常。他的笑容非常純真，就像遇到多年不見的老朋友，熟悉親切。特別的是，我發現自己雀躍的童心，毫無防備地被喚了出來。邁開一個箭步，還沒自我介紹，我們已經張開雙臂，先給彼此親切的大擁抱，這是我們初次見面。
我接觸心理學已近三十年，早期充實學理是為了參與青少年關護教育，後來發現自己深陷情緒泥沼，便投入多年心力進行自我探索。從學理養成、應用心理，到診斷、治療等等，不知不覺總把焦點投注在問題上：問題出在哪裡、如何解決、為什麼？一個個費思量的﹁問題﹂總教我眉頭深鎖。好不容易，十五年前正向心理學開始形成，歷經多年研究，如今開枝散葉。無論在學術、企業、文化上，﹁快樂﹂總算展露頭角，它的價值開始被正視，也慢慢受到主流社會的關注。
然而，﹁快樂﹂絕不是從書上看看或跟人談談就成局，關鍵在於實踐。就像游泳，無論你懂多少理論，多麼會講，只要不下水，不親自體現，你永遠無法稱自己是一個會游泳的人。除了熟知待人處世的道理，
如果無法活出輕鬆、自
在、快樂，那人生未免不夠圓滿。如何活出所學，是我接下來的生命重點。
當我開始睜大眼睛，想從身邊親朋好友中尋求快樂的榜樣時，竟發現寥寥無幾。相較於西方，東方人更拘謹。從小開始，天真、單純、平凡、幽默、輕鬆、開朗、快樂，從來都不是學校強調的素質。因此，就算每個人身上都有這
些潛力，不但沒有被開發，甚至會受打壓。迦雅是德國人。我走訪世界各地的靈修中心或心理學重鎮，發現德國人的比例相當高。我想，沈重的歷史讓他們深惡痛絕，為了探索生命的光明面，迫使他們面對人性的黑暗，作更深的省思。
陽光充足的午後，藝廊裡充滿了笑聲。訪談中，迦雅的輕鬆自在，身邊的人都受到感染。雖然初次見面，他的笑容讓人一見如故，目光深受吸引，自然不在話下。在歡樂中，我們談論出非常具建設性，對男人與女人都受用的話題。如果愛你的男人，請把這一期︽魅麗︾放在他可以看得見的地方，因為有些話不適合自己說，就讓我們替你發聲吧！這樣容易多了。
Caption
﹁快樂﹂絕不是從書上看看或跟人談談就成局，關鍵在於實踐。就像游泳，只要不下水，你永遠無法稱自己是一個會游泳的人。
賴佩霞：請簡單跟我們介紹一下你的藝術背景與養成教育。
迦雅：我的父親是攝影師也是演員，母親是藝評家。在我很小的時候，常常跟著母親參觀不同的博物館及畫廊。剛開始對這樣的活動比較排斥，因為我喜歡戶外活動，對博物館實在不感興趣。現在回過頭來看，這些經歷卻在我心中播下種籽，漸漸成長茁壯，成為我日後熱愛藝術的基礎。
母親喜歡旅行，對考古也有興趣，在我九歲的時候帶我一起造訪很多靈修聖地，體驗不同的文化。後來我參與德國新電影運動，在電影公司待了七年，拍了很多訪問藝術家和哲學家的紀錄片。母親把我帶進這個領域，讓我接觸到不同的藝術文化。小時候跟母親在這方面的衝突，如今都已達成和解，成熟後的我，再一次愛上了藝術。
賴佩霞：你的背景和許多帶領團體的老師不太一樣，你是否會將藝術導入你的課程？
迦雅：我會把創作元素導入團體，讓學員用繪畫來表達心裡的感受。藝術本來就與靈性習習相關。雖然現在有很多當代藝術和政治、社會議題有關，我們以為藝術變得比較理性，但事實上它還是在呈現我們的內在感覺，它不是講求邏輯性的東西。靈性本來就強調去﹁經驗﹂而不是﹁思考﹂，所以本質上和藝術是很接近的。藝術是一種媒介，可以把內在經驗轉化成看得見、聽得見、摸得到、感受得到的東西，對我來說，這就是藝術最大的吸引力。
賴佩霞：是什麼樣的機緣讓你開始從事靈修教育？
迦雅：一九八六年，我在印度擔任奧修雜誌的平面設計，雖然八〇年就開始接受治療師訓練，但當時主要還是把心思放在藝術專業上。直到一九九○奧修去世之後，才正式投入教學與諮商工作。因為我的背景，我非常喜歡在課堂上結合藝術去表達想法。
賴佩霞：印度哪一點吸引你，讓你選擇留下？
迦雅：我在德國出生，進入社會就從事電影工作，幾年後決定放棄原本的工作，開始旅行。事實上我並不認為自己是德國人，多半時間我都在各地旅行。當時去印度主要是為了奧修，後來就留下來，算算在那裡生活了三十年，我非常熱愛亞洲文化。
穿越物質世界尋求自我
賴佩霞：你覺得現代人心靈上最主要的困境是什麼？是什麼讓人無法活出自己想要的生命？
迦雅：我覺得問題來自於物質世界的誘惑。雖然我們都知道內在世界很重要，它是我們生命主要的動力來源，但大多數的人還是在物質世界裡勞碌奔波。外在世界的誘惑永遠不會停止，你很難去抵抗。但是你越投入外在世界的浮沉，內心就越分裂，想尋求內外合一，當然就越困難。就算有些人不刻意追求物質享受，但成長過程中，如果沒有人教導該如何關注心裡的衝突，當你看著別人汲汲營營的追逐，心裡難免會有波動、迷失、不確定的感覺，甚至開始懷疑自己的單純。幸運的是我遇到了奧修，讓我的生命轉了個大彎。我開始對靈性的﹁快樂﹂絕不是從書上看看或跟人談談就成局，關鍵在於實踐。就像游泳，只要不下水，你永遠無法稱自己是一個會游泳的人。探索產生很大的熱情，也瞭解到該把生命的追求放在什麼地方，我決定要從內在世界活出真實的自己。
賴佩霞：有些人之所以不敢深入探索，是因為害怕自己如果失去對世俗的興趣，將讓自己的生命和主流價值不同， 這時，該怎麼辦？
迦雅：傳統的靈修觀點有兩派，一派主張追求﹁涅磐﹂，一派主張該享受活潑的生命。奧修提出結合兩者的觀點，把生命的每個面向連接在一起，把神帶到人間。當年這雖然不是主流的想法，但是非常吸引我，這也是我來到奧修面前的主要原因，更堅定了我探索心靈的腳步。
東方的傳統靈修否定物質世界，要人拋棄俗世的一切，所以很多人對靈修有所畏懼。但是，造成這個現象的主要原因，是因為我們沒有接受正確的教導。我剛開始在台灣接觸學員的時候，花了很長的時間去暸解台灣人的特質，我發現東方人的自我概念比較弱，不像西方人那樣界線分明，東方人似乎更重視﹁團體﹂。因此，根據不同的文化，我會採取不同的教學以及治療方式，對症下藥幫助我的學員解決內在的問題。另外，我也遇到很多來學習靈修的人，他們的問題出在﹁混淆﹂內在和外在世界的差異。舉例來說，我讓學員去學習發洩情緒，但他們以為必須對外在的當事人發洩，所以開始對家人大吼大叫，導致一些不必要的衝突。我說的發洩不是這個意思，我們要真實面對自己的情緒，發洩是為了紓解身上累積的壓力與緊繃，絕對不是讓你去傷害別人。我們要知道，面對內在世界與外在世界的方法是不一樣的。以前的靈修要人出家修行，但現在的靈修是將內在與物質世界合而為一，我們可以在和目前的生活裡，找到提升自己心靈的方法。
賴佩霞：你特別針對男性開設了靈性成長課程，為什麼想開這樣的課？結果如何？
迦雅：傳統宗教裡，男性的位置通常都是主導的地位。所以我覺得很奇怪，現代的靈修團體中，男性竟如此稀少！我辦男性團體，主要是因為想了解台灣男人。有趣的是，來的人竟然還是以女性比較多，因為她們比男人更想瞭解男人。台灣男人，你們到底在哪裡？我發現，這種現象反映出，男人還是不習慣表達自己的情感，特別是跟自己相關的情感議題。男性不喜歡談論感受，他們只想確定結果。相反的，女性會想表達感受，這甚至是她們生命中重要的精神糧食。談到生活中的問題、現象或狀況的時候，男人只想解決問題，不必多談，可是女人往往想談自己的感覺。
Caption:
男性不喜歡談論感受，只想盡早確定結果。女性想表達感受，這是生命重要的精神
看清男女關係尋求和諧
賴佩霞：太好了，以你的觀察，請你說說女人要怎麼做，才能跟男人享有更多美好的時光?
迦雅：如果想擁有更好的相處品質，女人必須感受一下﹁男人的生活方式﹂。男人對外在世界比較感興趣，他們傾向去經歷外在的事物。相反的，在情感世界裡男人比較被動，沒辦法像女人一樣擁有強烈的主導力，更不像女人這麼喜歡談論感受性的話題。其實，當女性談論過多情感性議題，或強迫男人談論自己的感受時，男人往往會退縮，反而造成彼此更多的嫌隙與衝突。
女性可以主動營造感性的氛圍，讓男人在被動的角色裡，學習去經歷它。因為大部分的男人都很害怕面對情感，即使感受到，也不知該如何處理。女性可以嘗試更溫柔一點，去理解男人天生的弱點。當然，男性也需要學習關注和接納自己內在的情感。在交流的過程中，男女雙方都有很多可以學習的地方。
俗話說﹁每個成功男人的背後，都有一個女人。﹂女人可以提供更具感染力、更有創意的對話空間，就像女人孕育新生命的過程一樣。男人並非所有的面向都很﹁陽剛﹂，透過跟女性的相處與交流，男人會更理解﹁陰柔﹂的智慧與巧妙。這樣的體驗對彼此都好，對建立親密關係很有幫助。然而，重點是我們要先理解自己的侷限，覺察自己的身心狀態，也要花心思瞭解彼此的互動細節，以及情感的運作方式，才能培養更好的溝通方法。
賴佩霞：談過男人和女人的差異，現在說說什麼是男女的共通點呢？
迦雅：我認為人的靈性是一樣的，也就是我們內在的本質都相同。我們從外在表現出來的差異，讓人誤以為我們內在的本質也不同，其實不是這樣的，我們內在的本質都一樣，只是每個人都有不同的表達方式而已。如果感覺彼此之間的差異，是否能以好奇來取代批評？如此一來，在探索生命的過程中，彼此都會有很大的成長空間，好的關係會在這樣的基礎中建立起來。有趣的是，當兩人都去探索彼此的不同時，這些差異反而成了親密關係的主要張力。假如兩個人都想把對方變成跟自己一樣，關係反而很容易結束，因為所有的張力都不見了。沒有人時時刻刻，都想跟自己一模一樣的人在一起吧？
改變的同時也要保有自我
賴佩霞：你提到兩個重點，一、不要老想把對方變得像自己一樣。很多女人總是耳提面命要她的男人﹁更﹂符合自己的期待，卻忘了他們已經做得不錯的事實，這使得男人也承受很大的壓力。另一點是提醒女人，男人跟女人有非常不同的特質。
迦雅：是的，對方身上有很多令我們係，不要老是把焦點放在對方缺點上。在關係裡，如果我們可以分享內在，願意敞開，同時也接受伴侶跟自己的不同，這樣的關係就會很有趣。當然，要達到這樣的境界可能有些困難，但我們必須面對這分挑戰，因為我們想要了解對方，想擁有更美好的親密關係。
賴佩霞：最後，請和我們分享你教學的目的及重點
迦雅：我將重點放在接納的能力上，協助人們將內在和外在融合。藉由內在的潛力，學習如何將日常生活的每一步，移向我們內在真實的自己。
迦雅：我將重點放在接納的能力上，協助人們將內在和外在融合。藉由內在的潛力，學習如何將日常生活的每一步，移向我們內在真實的自己。
過去傳統靈修過度強調男性的修行，其實女性的本質中有很多愛的能量，更能把愛彰顯出來，這對現代社會來說是非常重要的。靈修不只是出世的修行，也能在入世的狀態下整合。我喜歡整合內在和外在，而不只是偏重在某個焦點上。
愛如光明、懼如黑暗，當我們有足夠的愛時，恐懼就會自然變少。人都怕往內看，不斷讓內在的陰影影響到外在世界。然而，我們都是如此豐富的個體，假如我們可以接納自己，學習去愛自己內在的不同部分，就能更容易接納別人。
與大師對談
Pict: 迦雅（Jaya）＊ 德國籍，早年曾活躍於新浪潮電影運動。為了追尋宗教和靈性領會，研究西藏佛教、加上對大自然的熱忱，讓他有機會在德國最大的旅遊公司擔任喜瑪拉亞及西藏地區的導遊。＊ 將藝術與大自然導入靈性成長團體，也為男性設計課程，對性別關係有獨到的認識。
愛如光明、懼如黑暗，當我們有足夠的愛時，恐懼就會自然變少。
撰文／賴佩霞．翻譯／張幼丁
整理／編輯部．攝影／邱如仁．視覺／KoKo
男人和女人的快樂
走進約訪的安德昇藝廊，透過玻璃門看見一臉稚氣的迦雅，正和攝影師話家常。他的笑容非常純真，就像遇到多年不見的老朋友，熟悉親切。特別的是，我發現自己雀躍的童心，毫無防備地被喚了出來。邁開一個箭步，還沒自我介紹，我們已經張開雙臂，先給彼此親切的大擁抱，這是我們初次見面。
我接觸心理學已近三十年，早期充實學理是為了參與青少年關護教育，後來發現自己深陷情緒泥沼，便投入多年心力進行自我探索。從學理養成、應用心理，到診斷、治療等等，不知不覺總把焦點投注在問題上：問題出在哪裡、如何解決、為什麼？一個個費思量的﹁問題﹂總教我眉頭深鎖。好不容易，十五年前正向心理學開始形成，歷經多年研究，如今開枝散葉。無論在學術、企業、文化上，﹁快樂﹂總算展露頭角，它的價值開始被正視，也慢慢受到主流社會的關注。
然而，﹁快樂﹂絕不是從書上看看或跟人談談就成局，關鍵在於實踐。就像游泳，無論你懂多少理論，多麼會講，只要不下水，不親自體現，你永遠無法稱自己是一個會游泳的人。除了熟知待人處世的道理，
如果無法活出輕鬆、自
在、快樂，那人生未免不夠圓滿。如何活出所學，是我接下來的生命重點。
當我開始睜大眼睛，想從身邊親朋好友中尋求快樂的榜樣時，竟發現寥寥無幾。相較於西方，東方人更拘謹。從小開始，天真、單純、平凡、幽默、輕鬆、開朗、快樂，從來都不是學校強調的素質。因此，就算每個人身上都有這
些潛力，不但沒有被開發，甚至會受打壓。迦雅是德國人。我走訪世界各地的靈修中心或心理學重鎮，發現德國人的比例相當高。我想，沈重的歷史讓他們深惡痛絕，為了探索生命的光明面，迫使他們面對人性的黑暗，作更深的省思。
陽光充足的午後，藝廊裡充滿了笑聲。訪談中，迦雅的輕鬆自在，身邊的人都受到感染。雖然初次見面，他的笑容讓人一見如故，目光深受吸引，自然不在話下。在歡樂中，我們談論出非常具建設性，對男人與女人都受用的話題。如果愛你的男人，請把這一期︽魅麗︾放在他可以看得見的地方，因為有些話不適合自己說，就讓我們替你發聲吧！這樣容易多了。
Caption
﹁快樂﹂絕不是從書上看看或跟人談談就成局，關鍵在於實踐。就像游泳，只要不下水，你永遠無法稱自己是一個會游泳的人。
賴佩霞：請簡單跟我們介紹一下你的藝術背景與養成教育。
迦雅：我的父親是攝影師也是演員，母親是藝評家。在我很小的時候，常常跟著母親參觀不同的博物館及畫廊。剛開始對這樣的活動比較排斥，因為我喜歡戶外活動，對博物館實在不感興趣。現在回過頭來看，這些經歷卻在我心中播下種籽，漸漸成長茁壯，成為我日後熱愛藝術的基礎。
母親喜歡旅行，對考古也有興趣，在我九歲的時候帶我一起造訪很多靈修聖地，體驗不同的文化。後來我參與德國新電影運動，在電影公司待了七年，拍了很多訪問藝術家和哲學家的紀錄片。母親把我帶進這個領域，讓我接觸到不同的藝術文化。小時候跟母親在這方面的衝突，如今都已達成和解，成熟後的我，再一次愛上了藝術。
賴佩霞：你的背景和許多帶領團體的老師不太一樣，你是否會將藝術導入你的課程？
迦雅：我會把創作元素導入團體，讓學員用繪畫來表達心裡的感受。藝術本來就與靈性習習相關。雖然現在有很多當代藝術和政治、社會議題有關，我們以為藝術變得比較理性，但事實上它還是在呈現我們的內在感覺，它不是講求邏輯性的東西。靈性本來就強調去﹁經驗﹂而不是﹁思考﹂，所以本質上和藝術是很接近的。藝術是一種媒介，可以把內在經驗轉化成看得見、聽得見、摸得到、感受得到的東西，對我來說，這就是藝術最大的吸引力。
賴佩霞：是什麼樣的機緣讓你開始從事靈修教育？
迦雅：一九八六年，我在印度擔任奧修雜誌的平面設計，雖然八〇年就開始接受治療師訓練，但當時主要還是把心思放在藝術專業上。直到一九九○奧修去世之後，才正式投入教學與諮商工作。因為我的背景，我非常喜歡在課堂上結合藝術去表達想法。
賴佩霞：印度哪一點吸引你，讓你選擇留下？
迦雅：我在德國出生，進入社會就從事電影工作，幾年後決定放棄原本的工作，開始旅行。事實上我並不認為自己是德國人，多半時間我都在各地旅行。當時去印度主要是為了奧修，後來就留下來，算算在那裡生活了三十年，我非常熱愛亞洲文化。
穿越物質世界尋求自我
賴佩霞：你覺得現代人心靈上最主要的困境是什麼？是什麼讓人無法活出自己想要的生命？
迦雅：我覺得問題來自於物質世界的誘惑。雖然我們都知道內在世界很重要，它是我們生命主要的動力來源，但大多數的人還是在物質世界裡勞碌奔波。外在世界的誘惑永遠不會停止，你很難去抵抗。但是你越投入外在世界的浮沉，內心就越分裂，想尋求內外合一，當然就越困難。就算有些人不刻意追求物質享受，但成長過程中，如果沒有人教導該如何關注心裡的衝突，當你看著別人汲汲營營的追逐，心裡難免會有波動、迷失、不確定的感覺，甚至開始懷疑自己的單純。幸運的是我遇到了奧修，讓我的生命轉了個大彎。我開始對靈性的﹁快樂﹂絕不是從書上看看或跟人談談就成局，關鍵在於實踐。就像游泳，只要不下水，你永遠無法稱自己是一個會游泳的人。探索產生很大的熱情，也瞭解到該把生命的追求放在什麼地方，我決定要從內在世界活出真實的自己。
賴佩霞：有些人之所以不敢深入探索，是因為害怕自己如果失去對世俗的興趣，將讓自己的生命和主流價值不同， 這時，該怎麼辦？
迦雅：傳統的靈修觀點有兩派，一派主張追求﹁涅磐﹂，一派主張該享受活潑的生命。奧修提出結合兩者的觀點，把生命的每個面向連接在一起，把神帶到人間。當年這雖然不是主流的想法，但是非常吸引我，這也是我來到奧修面前的主要原因，更堅定了我探索心靈的腳步。
東方的傳統靈修否定物質世界，要人拋棄俗世的一切，所以很多人對靈修有所畏懼。但是，造成這個現象的主要原因，是因為我們沒有接受正確的教導。我剛開始在台灣接觸學員的時候，花了很長的時間去暸解台灣人的特質，我發現東方人的自我概念比較弱，不像西方人那樣界線分明，東方人似乎更重視﹁團體﹂。因此，根據不同的文化，我會採取不同的教學以及治療方式，對症下藥幫助我的學員解決內在的問題。另外，我也遇到很多來學習靈修的人，他們的問題出在﹁混淆﹂內在和外在世界的差異。舉例來說，我讓學員去學習發洩情緒，但他們以為必須對外在的當事人發洩，所以開始對家人大吼大叫，導致一些不必要的衝突。我說的發洩不是這個意思，我們要真實面對自己的情緒，發洩是為了紓解身上累積的壓力與緊繃，絕對不是讓你去傷害別人。我們要知道，面對內在世界與外在世界的方法是不一樣的。以前的靈修要人出家修行，但現在的靈修是將內在與物質世界合而為一，我們可以在和目前的生活裡，找到提升自己心靈的方法。
賴佩霞：你特別針對男性開設了靈性成長課程，為什麼想開這樣的課？結果如何？
迦雅：傳統宗教裡，男性的位置通常都是主導的地位。所以我覺得很奇怪，現代的靈修團體中，男性竟如此稀少！我辦男性團體，主要是因為想了解台灣男人。有趣的是，來的人竟然還是以女性比較多，因為她們比男人更想瞭解男人。台灣男人，你們到底在哪裡？我發現，這種現象反映出，男人還是不習慣表達自己的情感，特別是跟自己相關的情感議題。男性不喜歡談論感受，他們只想確定結果。相反的，女性會想表達感受，這甚至是她們生命中重要的精神糧食。談到生活中的問題、現象或狀況的時候，男人只想解決問題，不必多談，可是女人往往想談自己的感覺。
Caption:
男性不喜歡談論感受，只想盡早確定結果。女性想表達感受，這是生命重要的精神
看清男女關係尋求和諧
賴佩霞：太好了，以你的觀察，請你說說女人要怎麼做，才能跟男人享有更多美好的時光?
迦雅：如果想擁有更好的相處品質，女人必須感受一下﹁男人的生活方式﹂。男人對外在世界比較感興趣，他們傾向去經歷外在的事物。相反的，在情感世界裡男人比較被動，沒辦法像女人一樣擁有強烈的主導力，更不像女人這麼喜歡談論感受性的話題。其實，當女性談論過多情感性議題，或強迫男人談論自己的感受時，男人往往會退縮，反而造成彼此更多的嫌隙與衝突。
女性可以主動營造感性的氛圍，讓男人在被動的角色裡，學習去經歷它。因為大部分的男人都很害怕面對情感，即使感受到，也不知該如何處理。女性可以嘗試更溫柔一點，去理解男人天生的弱點。當然，男性也需要學習關注和接納自己內在的情感。在交流的過程中，男女雙方都有很多可以學習的地方。
俗話說﹁每個成功男人的背後，都有一個女人。﹂女人可以提供更具感染力、更有創意的對話空間，就像女人孕育新生命的過程一樣。男人並非所有的面向都很﹁陽剛﹂，透過跟女性的相處與交流，男人會更理解﹁陰柔﹂的智慧與巧妙。這樣的體驗對彼此都好，對建立親密關係很有幫助。然而，重點是我們要先理解自己的侷限，覺察自己的身心狀態，也要花心思瞭解彼此的互動細節，以及情感的運作方式，才能培養更好的溝通方法。
賴佩霞：談過男人和女人的差異，現在說說什麼是男女的共通點呢？
迦雅：我認為人的靈性是一樣的，也就是我們內在的本質都相同。我們從外在表現出來的差異，讓人誤以為我們內在的本質也不同，其實不是這樣的，我們內在的本質都一樣，只是每個人都有不同的表達方式而已。如果感覺彼此之間的差異，是否能以好奇來取代批評？如此一來，在探索生命的過程中，彼此都會有很大的成長空間，好的關係會在這樣的基礎中建立起來。有趣的是，當兩人都去探索彼此的不同時，這些差異反而成了親密關係的主要張力。假如兩個人都想把對方變成跟自己一樣，關係反而很容易結束，因為所有的張力都不見了。沒有人時時刻刻，都想跟自己一模一樣的人在一起吧？
改變的同時也要保有自我
賴佩霞：你提到兩個重點，一、不要老想把對方變得像自己一樣。很多女人總是耳提面命要她的男人﹁更﹂符合自己的期待，卻忘了他們已經做得不錯的事實，這使得男人也承受很大的壓力。另一點是提醒女人，男人跟女人有非常不同的特質。
迦雅：是的，對方身上有很多令我們係，不要老是把焦點放在對方缺點上。在關係裡，如果我們可以分享內在，願意敞開，同時也接受伴侶跟自己的不同，這樣的關係就會很有趣。當然，要達到這樣的境界可能有些困難，但我們必須面對這分挑戰，因為我們想要了解對方，想擁有更美好的親密關係。
賴佩霞：最後，請和我們分享你教學的目的及重點
迦雅：我將重點放在接納的能力上，協助人們將內在和外在融合。藉由內在的潛力，學習如何將日常生活的每一步，移向我們內在真實的自己。
迦雅：我將重點放在接納的能力上，協助人們將內在和外在融合。藉由內在的潛力，學習如何將日常生活的每一步，移向我們內在真實的自己。
過去傳統靈修過度強調男性的修行，其實女性的本質中有很多愛的能量，更能把愛彰顯出來，這對現代社會來說是非常重要的。靈修不只是出世的修行，也能在入世的狀態下整合。我喜歡整合內在和外在，而不只是偏重在某個焦點上。
愛如光明、懼如黑暗，當我們有足夠的愛時，恐懼就會自然變少。人都怕往內看，不斷讓內在的陰影影響到外在世界。然而，我們都是如此豐富的個體，假如我們可以接納自己，學習去愛自己內在的不同部分，就能更容易接納別人。
Amazing Magazine 2013/No.74 by La Peixia
Interview with Jaya, master of art and spirituality
Happiness for Both Male and Female
Love is like the light, fear is like the darkness, fear will naturally fade away when we have enough love.
Pic. Jaya:
*Origin from Germany. He played an active role in "Neuer Deutscher Film" in his early life. He studied Tibetan Buddhism in pursuit of comprehension in religion and spirituality. Together with his love for Nature, Jaya then got the chance to be the tour guide in Himalayan and Tibet region in the biggest touring agency in Germany.
*Jaya introduce Art and Nature to the spiritual growth groups, he also designs sessions especially for males. Jaya has a unique perspective towards sexual relationships.
As I walked into Anderson Art, where the interview will be held, I saw Jaya through the glass panel with the expression like a child on his face, talking casually to our camera man. He has such an innocent smile so warm and familiar, makes me feel like meeting with an old friend I haven’t seen for a long time. In particular, I find my joyful inner child surfaces without any defenses. As I strode forward, we opened our arms and gave each other a huge, warm hug before any introduction. That was the first time we met.
I’ve had studied psychology for nearly 30 years. To engage in juvenile caring education program, I focused in the study of psychological theories at first. Later as I found myself stuck in the emotional slime, I spent many years looking inside and tried to find my inner self. Every aspect in psychology from the formation of theories, applied psychology, to diagnosis and treatment, all focused on the “problems”, such as what is the problem, how to solve the problem or why does this problem happen, without second thoughts. I was deeply baffled by those “problems”. Finally, the theory of Positive Psychology was developed about 15 years ago. After years of study, it has become well accepted in academic research as well as in corporate cultures. The value of “Happiness” is gradually coming into light and taken seriously by the main stream society.
However, you won’t find “Happiness” just by reading books or talking to someone. The most crucial part leads to happiness is to exercise. Just like swimming, it doesn’t matter how many theories do you learn or how well you can describe the sensation of swimming, you can never call yourself a swimmer if you don’t leap into the water and swim. Other than knowing how to behave in the world, life will not be complete and satisfactory if you cannot live an easy, free and happy life. How to live out what I learned will be the major goal of my future life.
As I start to look for role models who lead a happy life from my friends and families, I found it a nearly impossible task. Compared to the Westerner, Eastern people tend to be more squeamish. Qualities such as innocence, simplicity, mediocrity, humor, relaxation, briskness and happiness are never the focal points in academic education. Despite the potential to act out all the qualities mentioned above exist in each one of us, it is often suppressed rather than developed.
Jaya is a German. I found a large majority of Deutsch people while visiting spiritual centers and important psychology forefronts over the world. I believe it is the abhorrence towards their dark, heavy-laden history drives them to face the darkness in humanity and reflect more deeply on themselves in searching for the bright side of life.
The gallery filled with laughter in the sunny afternoon, and the relaxing, soothing attitude of Jaya affects everyone around. His smile feels like an old friend even when you first meet him, and you will be naturally drawn to him. We discussed topics that is quite constructive, and will be useful for both men and women in the jolly atmosphere. If you love your man, place this issue of Amazing within his sight. Let us speak for you. For certain things may not be appropriated for you to say, and that may be the easier way.
Laipeixia: Please introduce briefly your background in art and what was your artistic formative education.
Jaya: My father was a photographer and actor, and my mother was an art critics. I visited various museums and art galleries with my mother while I was very young. Since I enjoyed outdoor activities better, I felt repelled towards this visits at the beginning. I just didn’t enthusiastic about museums. Looking back now, those experiences became the seeds in my heart, which grow to be the foundation of my love to art. My mother loved travelling, and was also fascinated with archeology. She took me with her in her trip to numerous spiritual sacred lands to experience different cultures. Later I took part in Neuer Deutscher Film, and spent 7 years in a film company. I filmed lots of documentaries of interviewing various artists and philosophers during that time. It was my mother who led me into this field and allowed me exposed to diverse art and culture. The conflicts between my mother and me when I was young is now reconciled. And I fall in love with art once again as I grew more and more mature now.
Laipeixia: Your background is quite different from many group session instructors. Do you introduce components of art in your sessions?
Jaya: I’d like to bring creativity in my group sessions, and let members who join th session use painting to express the sensation within. Art is naturally intimately related to spirituality. We think the expression of art become more rational for some modern art forms are concerned with political and social issues, yet it still serve to display how we fell inside. Art is not something focused in logic. Spirituality emphasizes on “experience” rather than “thinking”, and therefore is in essence very similar to art. Art is a media that can transform inner experience into something can be seen, heard, touched and felt. It is the greatest attraction of art for me.
Laipeixia: What kind of opportunity inspired you to engage in spiritual education?
Jaya: I was working for Osho magazine as the graphic designer in India, 1986. I mainly focused on the art profession even though I was trained as a healer in the 80s. I officially engaged in teaching and counseling until 1990 when Osho passed away. Based on my background, I enjoy express my thoughts in combination with art in my sessions very much.
Laipeixia: Which part of India attracts you the most so you decided to stay there?
Jaya: I was born in Germany, and my first occupation was in the film industry. I decided to abandon that job and started to travel. I don’t see myself a German actually for I traveled around the world most of my life. I went to India because of Osho was there, and then I stayed and lived there for 30 years. I adore Asian culture very much.
Searching for the true self beyond the material world
Laipeixia: From your aspect, what is the major spiritual dilemma of modern people? What is it that prevents people to live their lives the way they want?
Jaya: I believe the problem lies in the temptation from the material world. Though we all acknowledge that the inner world is very important and it’s the driving force of our life, most of people still spend time chasing and toiling in the material world. There is no stop for the temptation of the outer world and it is hard to resist those temptations. But the more you float with the outside world, the more you feel severed within, and it will be more and more difficult to pursue the integration between your inner and outer self. Even though certain people do not pursuit the relish of materials, but when you see others spend so much effort running after the material enjoyment, you may start to feel shaken, lost and uncertain. You may even start to doubt the innocence within. Fortunately, my encounters with Osho gave my life to a dramatic turn, and I became enthusiastic in spiritual searching. I also realized where I should focus in pursuing in my life, that was when I decide to live my true self out from my inner world.
Laipeixia: Many people are afraid to explore deep within for fear of loose interest in earthly world, which may result in discrepancy between their lives from the mainstream value. What is your suggestion for this kind f situation?
Jaya: There are two major aspects in traditional spirituality perspectives. One focus in pursuing “Nirvana”, while the other proposes that one should lead a lively, bright life. Osho proposed a perspective that combines the two mentioned above. In his proposition, every aspect in life will be connected and God can then be introduced to the early world. I was deeply attracted to the idea even it was not one of the main stream theories. That is also the major reason I went to Osho, and it strengthen my footstep in exploring spirituality.
Traditional Eastern spirituality opposes the material world, and demand people pursuing spirituality to abandon everything of the earthly world, which results in many people’s fear toward spirituality. However, the main reason for this to happen is that we do not receive proper instructions. I spent quite some time to understand characteristics of people in Taiwan when I first started to get familiar with students here. I found that the idea of self is weaker in Eastern people, which is contrast to the clear and definitive selfness boundary in Westerners. Eastern people seem to focus more in “groups”. Therefore I will adopt different teaching and therapeutic methods based on different cultures to help my students best resolving their puzzles within.
I also meet many people learning spirituality whose problem is that they “confuse” the difference between the inner and outer world. For instance, when I ask my students to learn to let off their emotions, they mistakenly assume that they have to let it out on certain people involved, and they start to yell and shout to their families, which inevitably cause conflicts shouldn’t happen. That is not what I meant to let off one’s emotion. We have to face our emotions honestly, and to let off is to relieve the pressure and tension accumulated in us, and it’s definitely not hurting others around us. We need to understand the way to face the inner world is different from that facing the outer world. Traditional spirituality pursuing asked people to forsake the earthly world, but nowadays, it is the pursuit of oneness between inner and the outer material world. We can find ways to raise our spirit in our everyday life.
Laipeixia: You hold spiritual growth sessions especially for male, why you want to hold this kind of sessions? How are the responses so far?
Jaya: Males usually lead the dominant positions in traditional religions. Which makes me wonder why is it so few males participate in modern spirituality groups! I started groups for males mainly to understand men in Taiwan. It’s funny that more females attend in these groups than males for they want to learn more about men then the males themselves. Where are you Taiwanese Men? I find this situation reflects the fact that males still feel uneasy to express their emotions, especially emotional issues regarding themselves. Males do not like to discuss feelings; they are only interested in confirming the results. On the contrary, females tend to express their feelings, and it is even the essential nutrient of their lives. When talking about problems, phenomena, and situations in life, males want to solve them while females tend to discuss how they feel about them.
Decipher the relationship between male and female
Looking for harmony
Laipeixia: That was brilliant. Please tell us, in your point of view, what will you suggest females do to share more fascinating time with males?
Jaya: Females should feel “the way men live” if they want to have more quality time with each other. Males are more interested in the outer world; they tend to experience things from the outside world. On the contrary, males are passive in the world of emotions, they don’t have the strong leading force like females, and they especially do not like to discuss topics relating to their sensation. In a matter of fact, males will often back down when females focus too much on emotional issues or force males to talk about their emotions, which will lead to more grudge and conflicts. Females can fabricate the atmosphere of perceptual, and let males learn to experience it passively. Most males are afraid of dealing with emotions; they don’t know what to do with them even they can feel the emotions within. Females should try to be more gentle and try to understand the natural weakness of males. Of course males should learn to care for and accept the emotions within. Both males and females will learn from each other in the process of communication. There is an old saying that “there is a woman behind every successful man”. Just like bearing new lives, females can provide a space more infective and creative to communicate. Not every aspect of a man is “macho”, males will learn to understand the wisdom and ingenuity of “feminine” by relating and communicating with females. This kind of experience will do good for both genders, and is very helpful in building intimate relationships. Nevertheless, to nurture better communication manner, we need to know our limitations first, and to sense the status of our body and mind. It is also important to make effort in understanding interaction details with each other and how does each other express their feelings.
Laipeixia: Now we’ve talked about the differences between males and females. Can you tell us what is common in males and females?
Jaya: I believe the spirits of people are identical, that is, the essences of our inner selves are the same. The differences we showed outside leads people think the essences within us are different as well. That is not the case. The essences within are identical, the difference lies in the way we act those essences out. Can we show curiosity instead of criticism when we feel the differences between each other? In this way, each one of us will have plenty of growth space during the course of exploring our lives. Wonderful relationships can be built on this base. Most interestingly, it can become the major tension to hold the relationship once two people start to explore the differences between them. A relationship tends to end quickly if you want your partner to be exactly like you, for all the tensions are gone. Can you imagine anybody would like to be with a person just like ourselves all the time?
Keep your self while making changes
Laipeixia: You mentioned two key points. First, do not attempt to transform your partner into you. Many females always ask their male partners to live up “more” to their expectations. But they oversee the fact that their male partners have already done all right, which introduce immense pressures for males. The other point is to remind females that the characteristics between males and females are quite distinguishing.
Jaya: That is right. We can find so many things raising our curiosity in each other, and that is where the attractions are. But, based on my own experience, females will try to change and educate their male partners when the relationship develops for a while and the female will start to take the role as the mother of the male. Often females will expect their male partners to have certain image, and they will not accept anything other than their imagination. That’s how the conflicts originated. We must coordinate and try to find the balance so males can accept the changes females expected and keep their self spaces at the same time. Furthermore, we often neglect the inner self, and mistakenly believe “it is you who make me feel so negative”. It is definitely out of focus regarding other people as the cause of our unhappiness.
Laipeixia: That was really well said. Can you give us more reminders for males and females to build a harmonic relationship?
Jaya: The relationship cannot last long if two people are only sexually involved. A partner that only meets material demands can also be boring. Our intimate partner plays more important part in our lives than just “functional” ones at work or at home. An intimate relationship can only be built when we open up our minds and share our lives with each other. Most people don’t understand where our cravings come from, and we think if we own something new, it will turn everything new and fresh. But deep down we know that we can’t truly satisfy with what comes from the outside. The genuine satisfaction comes from within. The infinite of our inner selves is far beyond our comprehension, and the most important key to hold a relationship is to understand what your inner self truly want.
I think it’s crucial to learn how to relate yourself with your inner world, rather than focus on the shortcomings of your partner. A relationship can be fun if we can share our inner selves, willing to open up, and accept the differences between our partner and ourselves. It is of course not easy to accomplish, but we must face this challenge for we want to understand each other and longing to have a beautiful intimate relationship.
Laipeixia: Pleas share with us finally your goal and key of your teaching.
Jaya: I mainly focus on the ability of acceptance, and help people bring their inner and outer self together. Utilizing the potential within, we learn to bring every step of our everyday lives more closely to our true inner self.
Traditional spirituality focused too much on males, but the energy of love of the feminine essence can help to manifest love even better, which is essential for society today. To practice spirituality is not just about renouncing the world, but to practice the spirituality and integrate it in this world we are living. I enjoy integrate the inner and outer world rather than focus on specific aspects.
Love is like the light, fear is light the darkness, fear will naturally fade away when we have enough love. We all are afraid to look inside, and we allow the shadows within to affect our outer world. And yet we are all individuals with such richness, if we can accept ourselves as who we are and learn to love the different aspects within us, than it will be much easier for us to accept others.
Happiness for Both Male and Female
Love is like the light, fear is like the darkness, fear will naturally fade away when we have enough love.
Pic. Jaya:
*Origin from Germany. He played an active role in "Neuer Deutscher Film" in his early life. He studied Tibetan Buddhism in pursuit of comprehension in religion and spirituality. Together with his love for Nature, Jaya then got the chance to be the tour guide in Himalayan and Tibet region in the biggest touring agency in Germany.
*Jaya introduce Art and Nature to the spiritual growth groups, he also designs sessions especially for males. Jaya has a unique perspective towards sexual relationships.
As I walked into Anderson Art, where the interview will be held, I saw Jaya through the glass panel with the expression like a child on his face, talking casually to our camera man. He has such an innocent smile so warm and familiar, makes me feel like meeting with an old friend I haven’t seen for a long time. In particular, I find my joyful inner child surfaces without any defenses. As I strode forward, we opened our arms and gave each other a huge, warm hug before any introduction. That was the first time we met.
I’ve had studied psychology for nearly 30 years. To engage in juvenile caring education program, I focused in the study of psychological theories at first. Later as I found myself stuck in the emotional slime, I spent many years looking inside and tried to find my inner self. Every aspect in psychology from the formation of theories, applied psychology, to diagnosis and treatment, all focused on the “problems”, such as what is the problem, how to solve the problem or why does this problem happen, without second thoughts. I was deeply baffled by those “problems”. Finally, the theory of Positive Psychology was developed about 15 years ago. After years of study, it has become well accepted in academic research as well as in corporate cultures. The value of “Happiness” is gradually coming into light and taken seriously by the main stream society.
However, you won’t find “Happiness” just by reading books or talking to someone. The most crucial part leads to happiness is to exercise. Just like swimming, it doesn’t matter how many theories do you learn or how well you can describe the sensation of swimming, you can never call yourself a swimmer if you don’t leap into the water and swim. Other than knowing how to behave in the world, life will not be complete and satisfactory if you cannot live an easy, free and happy life. How to live out what I learned will be the major goal of my future life.
As I start to look for role models who lead a happy life from my friends and families, I found it a nearly impossible task. Compared to the Westerner, Eastern people tend to be more squeamish. Qualities such as innocence, simplicity, mediocrity, humor, relaxation, briskness and happiness are never the focal points in academic education. Despite the potential to act out all the qualities mentioned above exist in each one of us, it is often suppressed rather than developed.
Jaya is a German. I found a large majority of Deutsch people while visiting spiritual centers and important psychology forefronts over the world. I believe it is the abhorrence towards their dark, heavy-laden history drives them to face the darkness in humanity and reflect more deeply on themselves in searching for the bright side of life.
The gallery filled with laughter in the sunny afternoon, and the relaxing, soothing attitude of Jaya affects everyone around. His smile feels like an old friend even when you first meet him, and you will be naturally drawn to him. We discussed topics that is quite constructive, and will be useful for both men and women in the jolly atmosphere. If you love your man, place this issue of Amazing within his sight. Let us speak for you. For certain things may not be appropriated for you to say, and that may be the easier way.
Laipeixia: Please introduce briefly your background in art and what was your artistic formative education.
Jaya: My father was a photographer and actor, and my mother was an art critics. I visited various museums and art galleries with my mother while I was very young. Since I enjoyed outdoor activities better, I felt repelled towards this visits at the beginning. I just didn’t enthusiastic about museums. Looking back now, those experiences became the seeds in my heart, which grow to be the foundation of my love to art. My mother loved travelling, and was also fascinated with archeology. She took me with her in her trip to numerous spiritual sacred lands to experience different cultures. Later I took part in Neuer Deutscher Film, and spent 7 years in a film company. I filmed lots of documentaries of interviewing various artists and philosophers during that time. It was my mother who led me into this field and allowed me exposed to diverse art and culture. The conflicts between my mother and me when I was young is now reconciled. And I fall in love with art once again as I grew more and more mature now.
Laipeixia: Your background is quite different from many group session instructors. Do you introduce components of art in your sessions?
Jaya: I’d like to bring creativity in my group sessions, and let members who join th session use painting to express the sensation within. Art is naturally intimately related to spirituality. We think the expression of art become more rational for some modern art forms are concerned with political and social issues, yet it still serve to display how we fell inside. Art is not something focused in logic. Spirituality emphasizes on “experience” rather than “thinking”, and therefore is in essence very similar to art. Art is a media that can transform inner experience into something can be seen, heard, touched and felt. It is the greatest attraction of art for me.
Laipeixia: What kind of opportunity inspired you to engage in spiritual education?
Jaya: I was working for Osho magazine as the graphic designer in India, 1986. I mainly focused on the art profession even though I was trained as a healer in the 80s. I officially engaged in teaching and counseling until 1990 when Osho passed away. Based on my background, I enjoy express my thoughts in combination with art in my sessions very much.
Laipeixia: Which part of India attracts you the most so you decided to stay there?
Jaya: I was born in Germany, and my first occupation was in the film industry. I decided to abandon that job and started to travel. I don’t see myself a German actually for I traveled around the world most of my life. I went to India because of Osho was there, and then I stayed and lived there for 30 years. I adore Asian culture very much.
Searching for the true self beyond the material world
Laipeixia: From your aspect, what is the major spiritual dilemma of modern people? What is it that prevents people to live their lives the way they want?
Jaya: I believe the problem lies in the temptation from the material world. Though we all acknowledge that the inner world is very important and it’s the driving force of our life, most of people still spend time chasing and toiling in the material world. There is no stop for the temptation of the outer world and it is hard to resist those temptations. But the more you float with the outside world, the more you feel severed within, and it will be more and more difficult to pursue the integration between your inner and outer self. Even though certain people do not pursuit the relish of materials, but when you see others spend so much effort running after the material enjoyment, you may start to feel shaken, lost and uncertain. You may even start to doubt the innocence within. Fortunately, my encounters with Osho gave my life to a dramatic turn, and I became enthusiastic in spiritual searching. I also realized where I should focus in pursuing in my life, that was when I decide to live my true self out from my inner world.
Laipeixia: Many people are afraid to explore deep within for fear of loose interest in earthly world, which may result in discrepancy between their lives from the mainstream value. What is your suggestion for this kind f situation?
Jaya: There are two major aspects in traditional spirituality perspectives. One focus in pursuing “Nirvana”, while the other proposes that one should lead a lively, bright life. Osho proposed a perspective that combines the two mentioned above. In his proposition, every aspect in life will be connected and God can then be introduced to the early world. I was deeply attracted to the idea even it was not one of the main stream theories. That is also the major reason I went to Osho, and it strengthen my footstep in exploring spirituality.
Traditional Eastern spirituality opposes the material world, and demand people pursuing spirituality to abandon everything of the earthly world, which results in many people’s fear toward spirituality. However, the main reason for this to happen is that we do not receive proper instructions. I spent quite some time to understand characteristics of people in Taiwan when I first started to get familiar with students here. I found that the idea of self is weaker in Eastern people, which is contrast to the clear and definitive selfness boundary in Westerners. Eastern people seem to focus more in “groups”. Therefore I will adopt different teaching and therapeutic methods based on different cultures to help my students best resolving their puzzles within.
I also meet many people learning spirituality whose problem is that they “confuse” the difference between the inner and outer world. For instance, when I ask my students to learn to let off their emotions, they mistakenly assume that they have to let it out on certain people involved, and they start to yell and shout to their families, which inevitably cause conflicts shouldn’t happen. That is not what I meant to let off one’s emotion. We have to face our emotions honestly, and to let off is to relieve the pressure and tension accumulated in us, and it’s definitely not hurting others around us. We need to understand the way to face the inner world is different from that facing the outer world. Traditional spirituality pursuing asked people to forsake the earthly world, but nowadays, it is the pursuit of oneness between inner and the outer material world. We can find ways to raise our spirit in our everyday life.
Laipeixia: You hold spiritual growth sessions especially for male, why you want to hold this kind of sessions? How are the responses so far?
Jaya: Males usually lead the dominant positions in traditional religions. Which makes me wonder why is it so few males participate in modern spirituality groups! I started groups for males mainly to understand men in Taiwan. It’s funny that more females attend in these groups than males for they want to learn more about men then the males themselves. Where are you Taiwanese Men? I find this situation reflects the fact that males still feel uneasy to express their emotions, especially emotional issues regarding themselves. Males do not like to discuss feelings; they are only interested in confirming the results. On the contrary, females tend to express their feelings, and it is even the essential nutrient of their lives. When talking about problems, phenomena, and situations in life, males want to solve them while females tend to discuss how they feel about them.
Decipher the relationship between male and female
Looking for harmony
Laipeixia: That was brilliant. Please tell us, in your point of view, what will you suggest females do to share more fascinating time with males?
Jaya: Females should feel “the way men live” if they want to have more quality time with each other. Males are more interested in the outer world; they tend to experience things from the outside world. On the contrary, males are passive in the world of emotions, they don’t have the strong leading force like females, and they especially do not like to discuss topics relating to their sensation. In a matter of fact, males will often back down when females focus too much on emotional issues or force males to talk about their emotions, which will lead to more grudge and conflicts. Females can fabricate the atmosphere of perceptual, and let males learn to experience it passively. Most males are afraid of dealing with emotions; they don’t know what to do with them even they can feel the emotions within. Females should try to be more gentle and try to understand the natural weakness of males. Of course males should learn to care for and accept the emotions within. Both males and females will learn from each other in the process of communication. There is an old saying that “there is a woman behind every successful man”. Just like bearing new lives, females can provide a space more infective and creative to communicate. Not every aspect of a man is “macho”, males will learn to understand the wisdom and ingenuity of “feminine” by relating and communicating with females. This kind of experience will do good for both genders, and is very helpful in building intimate relationships. Nevertheless, to nurture better communication manner, we need to know our limitations first, and to sense the status of our body and mind. It is also important to make effort in understanding interaction details with each other and how does each other express their feelings.
Laipeixia: Now we’ve talked about the differences between males and females. Can you tell us what is common in males and females?
Jaya: I believe the spirits of people are identical, that is, the essences of our inner selves are the same. The differences we showed outside leads people think the essences within us are different as well. That is not the case. The essences within are identical, the difference lies in the way we act those essences out. Can we show curiosity instead of criticism when we feel the differences between each other? In this way, each one of us will have plenty of growth space during the course of exploring our lives. Wonderful relationships can be built on this base. Most interestingly, it can become the major tension to hold the relationship once two people start to explore the differences between them. A relationship tends to end quickly if you want your partner to be exactly like you, for all the tensions are gone. Can you imagine anybody would like to be with a person just like ourselves all the time?
Keep your self while making changes
Laipeixia: You mentioned two key points. First, do not attempt to transform your partner into you. Many females always ask their male partners to live up “more” to their expectations. But they oversee the fact that their male partners have already done all right, which introduce immense pressures for males. The other point is to remind females that the characteristics between males and females are quite distinguishing.
Jaya: That is right. We can find so many things raising our curiosity in each other, and that is where the attractions are. But, based on my own experience, females will try to change and educate their male partners when the relationship develops for a while and the female will start to take the role as the mother of the male. Often females will expect their male partners to have certain image, and they will not accept anything other than their imagination. That’s how the conflicts originated. We must coordinate and try to find the balance so males can accept the changes females expected and keep their self spaces at the same time. Furthermore, we often neglect the inner self, and mistakenly believe “it is you who make me feel so negative”. It is definitely out of focus regarding other people as the cause of our unhappiness.
Laipeixia: That was really well said. Can you give us more reminders for males and females to build a harmonic relationship?
Jaya: The relationship cannot last long if two people are only sexually involved. A partner that only meets material demands can also be boring. Our intimate partner plays more important part in our lives than just “functional” ones at work or at home. An intimate relationship can only be built when we open up our minds and share our lives with each other. Most people don’t understand where our cravings come from, and we think if we own something new, it will turn everything new and fresh. But deep down we know that we can’t truly satisfy with what comes from the outside. The genuine satisfaction comes from within. The infinite of our inner selves is far beyond our comprehension, and the most important key to hold a relationship is to understand what your inner self truly want.
I think it’s crucial to learn how to relate yourself with your inner world, rather than focus on the shortcomings of your partner. A relationship can be fun if we can share our inner selves, willing to open up, and accept the differences between our partner and ourselves. It is of course not easy to accomplish, but we must face this challenge for we want to understand each other and longing to have a beautiful intimate relationship.
Laipeixia: Pleas share with us finally your goal and key of your teaching.
Jaya: I mainly focus on the ability of acceptance, and help people bring their inner and outer self together. Utilizing the potential within, we learn to bring every step of our everyday lives more closely to our true inner self.
Traditional spirituality focused too much on males, but the energy of love of the feminine essence can help to manifest love even better, which is essential for society today. To practice spirituality is not just about renouncing the world, but to practice the spirituality and integrate it in this world we are living. I enjoy integrate the inner and outer world rather than focus on specific aspects.
Love is like the light, fear is light the darkness, fear will naturally fade away when we have enough love. We all are afraid to look inside, and we allow the shadows within to affect our outer world. And yet we are all individuals with such richness, if we can accept ourselves as who we are and learn to love the different aspects within us, than it will be much easier for us to accept others.